Apple’s ‘ChatGPT-Like’ App: Another Polished Turd from the Cupertino Circus

Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in. Apple, in their infinite wisdom and bottomless coffers, has apparently cooked up a ‘ChatGPT-like’ internal app. ‘ChatGPT-like,’ they say. Like a pig is ‘dog-like’ if it barks once by accident. Don’t get your knickers in a twist, folks, this ain’t for your grubby little hands. Oh no, this is strictly for internal testing. Because God forbid the unwashed masses get a glimpse of their half-baked ideas before they’ve had a chance to put a pretty bow on it and charge you three times its worth.

Siri’s Sad, Slow Death March Continues

Let’s be honest, Siri has been about as useful as a screen door on a submarine since its inception. Remember the initial fanfare? ‘Your intelligent personal assistant!’ More like your perpetually confused, slightly deaf, and frequently unhelpful digital acquaintance. And now, after years of being the butt of every tech joke, they’re suddenly gonna wave a magic ‘ChatGPT-like’ wand and make it brilliant? My ass. This is like trying to polish a turd with a silk handkerchief. You might make it shiny, but it’s still a turd, through and through.

They’re calling this a ‘major upgrade.’ A major upgrade, like when you put new tires on a broken-down horse cart and call it a sports car. This isn’t innovation; this is desperation. They’re seeing everyone else getting a slice of the AI pie, and suddenly they’re scrambling to prove they’re not just a glorified hardware company with a penchant for overpriced dongles. Newsflash, Apple: you are.

The Cult of Secrecy: Or, ‘We Don’t Want You to See Our Failures’

The best part? This ‘app’ won’t be available to the public. Not yet, anyway. Why? Because they’re probably still figuring out how to make it understand a simple command without offering to call your ex-wife’s chiropractor. It’s the Apple way, isn’t it? Keep everything under wraps until it’s ‘perfect,’ which usually means ‘minimally functional but aesthetically pleasing.’ They’ll spend countless hours debating the perfect shade of blue for the ‘I don’t understand’ button while the actual AI chugs along like a steam engine on low-grade coal.

They’ll probably roll this out eventually, dripping with marketing buzzwords about ‘seamless integration’ and ‘intuitive intelligence.’ And the sheep, bless their little cotton socks, will lap it up, convinced they’re witnessing the next technological revolution. Meanwhile, the rest of us will be quietly snickering as Siri still struggles to set a goddamn timer.

Conclusion: Just Another Apple Pipe Dream

So, Apple’s got a ‘ChatGPT-like’ app. Big fucking deal. It’s probably just another overpriced, overhyped attempt to catch up with the competition, disguised as groundbreaking innovation. I’ll believe it when Siri can actually hold a conversation without me wanting to throw my phone into the nearest body of water. Until then, it’s just more smoke and mirrors from the Cupertino snake oil salesmen. Go peddle your ‘revolutionary’ internal apps somewhere else, you corporate bastards. Some of us actually like our technology to work, not just look pretty while failing spectacularly.