The Goddamn iPhone 17 and Your "ProMotion" Pipe Dream

This article eviscerates the perpetual tech upgrade cycle, specifically targeting the consumer obsession with features like ProMotion displays. It questions the true necessity of these advancements, likening the constant desire for new technology to a futile chase, and urges readers to focus on real-world experiences rather than digital enhancements.

September 9, 2025

Published by al

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The Goddamn iPhone 17 and Your “ProMotion” Pipe Dream

Alright, you whiny bastards, gather ‘round. Another day, another tech pundit wringing their hands over some goddamn pixel refresh rate. “Oh, if my iPhone 17 doesn’t have ProMotion, I won’t upgrade!” you bleat, like a flock of goddamn sheep waiting for the shearer. Let me tell you something, you precious little princesses, the world ain’t gonna stop spinning because your digital window to the world doesn’t update its pretty pictures fast enough for your delicate sensibilities.

The Grand Illusion of “Necessity”

You bought an iPhone 12, did ya? Five goddamn years ago. And it “works fine.” Works fine. You know what works fine? A goddamn hammer. It hits nails. It doesn’t need to hit ‘em at 120 frames per second, you understand? You’re sitting there, probably scrolling through pictures of your goddamn artisanal sourdough, and you’re gonna tell me you need this “ProMotion” bullshit? It’s a goddamn marketing term, cooked up by some slick-haired prick in Cupertino to make you feel like your perfectly functional device is suddenly a horse-and-buggy in the age of the goddamn automobile.

This whole charade is a racket, plain and simple. They dangle a new bauble, a slightly shinier rock, and you all come running with your wallets open. “Oh, this one has a better camera!” “This one’s got a slightly faster chip!” And now, “This one makes the pictures smoother!” Smoother than what, exactly? Smoother than the goddamn reality you’re avoiding by staring at your goddamn phone all day? You’re like a goddamn dog chasing its tail, always sniffing for the next, slightly better smell.

The “Turning Point” That Ain’t

“2025 could be a turning point for Apple’s iPhone line,” you say. A turning point. You know what a turning point is? It’s when you’re about to get your goddamn teeth kicked in, and you decide to fight back. It ain’t when some tech company decides to give you a slightly higher refresh rate on your goddamn screen. This ain’t a turning point, it’s just another Tuesday in the goddamn consumer circus, and you’re all the clowns.

My Honest, Goddamn Opinion

If your iPhone 12 “works fine,” then for the love of all that’s unholy, keep using it. Save your goddamn money. Spend it on something that actually matters. Like a good bottle of whiskey. Or a decent meal that doesn’t involve staring at a menu on a 120Hz display. You’re not going to achieve enlightenment through a higher refresh rate, you’re just going to be a slightly more sophisticated digital junkie. So stop your goddamn whining, and get back to living your goddamn life, before the pixels take over what’s left of your brain. The only “ProMotion” you need is the one that gets your ass off the couch.