All Articles

Spotify's 'Wrapped' Kerfuffle: Or, How Your Data Became AI's Latest Whore

This scathing article dissects Spotify's outrage over users selling their own data to AI developers, exposing the hypocrisy of tech giants who profit from personal information while decrying others who do the same. It's a sardonic look at the digital gold rush, the "Wrapped" feature, and the ever-expanding reach of AI, all wrapped in a foul-mouthed critique of modern tech ethics.

Blood Pressure Bullshit: Another Apple 'Innovation' That's Just More Goddamn Noise

This article eviscerates Apple's latest 'innovation' to expand hypertension detection to older Apple Watch models, exposing it as a cynical marketing ploy rather than genuine progress. It's a scathing take on the tech industry's manipulative tactics and the incessant push for 'health monitoring' that fosters anxiety and consumer dependence.

Apple's Latest Watches: Because Your Wrist *Really* Needed More Anxiety

Another year, another Apple Watch. This droll take on Apple's latest hardware event skewers the Series 11, Ultra 3, and SE 3, dissecting the 'innovations' and the relentless upgrade culture with a healthy dose of Gen Z cynicism.

Apple's New 'Air' Phone: Because Your Pockets Weren't Already Full Enough of Overpriced Bullshit

This scathing article eviscerates Apple's latest product launch, including the new iPhone 17 and the 'first-ever iPhone Air.' The author ridicules the perceived lack of genuine innovation, the repetitive nature of product updates, and the consumer culture surrounding the tech giant, urging readers to question the value of these expensive 'upgrades.'

Wen Apple Intelligence DAO? My Friends Stopped Calling.

This article boldly proposes a radical, decentralized alternative to Apple's new AI model, advocating for a community-owned Apple Intelligence DAO (AID) powered by tokenomics and user contributions.

Microsoft's 'New' Light Show: Another Brick in the Wall of Over-Complication

An aging engineer rants about Microsoft's 'new' light-based computer, finding it to be an unnecessary complication and another step towards technological overreach, all while pining for the simplicity of command-line computing.

When FSR 4 Drops and You Still Can't Afford a 4090: A Millennial's Guide to Coping

A droll and sarcastic take on the endless cycle of tech upgrades, particularly graphics card drivers, from the perspective of a Gen Z millennial working in the tech industry, bemoaning the cost and constant pressure to keep up.

DoorDash's 'Pain and Suffering': A Billionaire's Lament, My Ass

A droll take on a tech CEO's lament about the 'pain and suffering' of developing autonomous delivery, highlighting the stark contrast between corporate challenges and the realities of gig-worker life.

The Goddamn iPhone 17 and Your "ProMotion" Pipe Dream

This article eviscerates the perpetual tech upgrade cycle, specifically targeting the consumer obsession with features like ProMotion displays. It questions the true necessity of these advancements, likening the constant desire for new technology to a futile chase, and urges readers to focus on real-world experiences rather than digital enhancements.

IFA's 'Coolest Gadgets': More Like 'Warm Piles of Horseshit'

This scathing article eviscerates the hype and ridiculousness of 'cutting-edge' gadgets showcased at tech events, lambasting the so-called innovations as nothing more than polished turds designed to separate fools from their money. It's a foul-mouthed critique of the tech industry's obsession with superficial progress.