The Need for Speed (And Why It’s Stupid)
I was reading the paper—the real paper, mind you, not some screen that glows and hurts my eyes—and I see that this Sam Altman fellow is apologizing for 'rushing' a deal with the Department of Defense. Rushing? The Department of Defense? Back in my day, if you rushed a job for the government, you’d be lucky if they let you sweep the floors of the local post office! We had things like 'accountability' and 'due diligence.' Now, these kids think they can just 'move fast and break things.' Well, Sam, looks like you broke the Pentagon's trust, and I don't think you can fix that with a software update.
It’s just another example of how everything has to be 'now, now, now.' My grandson tells me he can’t wait thirty seconds for a website to load without huffing and puffing like he’s running a marathon. These AI companies are the same way. They want to be the first to build the 'Terminator' or whatever they’re calling it these days, and they don't care who they step on to get there. It’s sloppy, it’s lazy, and frankly, it’s a disgrace to the good name of American industry. We used to build things that lasted, like my 1974 Chevy Nova. Now we just build things that 'hallucinate' and then apologize for it on a website formerly known as a bird.
Memos and Mischief
Altman goes on X—which I still call Twitter, thank you very much—to post an internal memo about how they need to make 'additions' to the deal. Additions? That’s like me telling my wife, Martha, that I’m making 'additions' to the kitchen table after I accidentally sawed a leg off! It’s just a fancy way of saying they didn't do the work the first time. They’re 'revising' it. In my world, if I revised a contract after it was signed, I’d be in the back of a squad car, not getting invited to fancy tech conferences in Davos.
And what is this 'opportunistic' talk? That’s just a word people use when they get caught with their hand in the cookie jar. They saw a big pile of taxpayer money and they jumped on it like a duck on a June bug. They didn't stop to think if they could actually deliver what they promised. It’s all smoke and mirrors, folks. These people live in a bubble where they think they’re smarter than everyone else because they can code a computer. But they don't know the first thing about the real world, where things have consequences. My old boss, Mr. Henderson, used to say: 'Measure twice, cut once.' Sam Altman seems to be cutting ten times and then wondering why the board is too short.
Where Did the Common Sense Go?
The whole thing just makes me miss the days when a 'defense deal' involved steel and gunpowder, not 'large language models.' I don't want a computer program defending my country! I want something I can see and touch. What happens if the internet goes out? Do we just tell the enemies to wait a minute while we restart the router? It’s madness. Absolute madness. And the fact that they’re being 'opportunistic' with our national security is enough to make my blood boil. We’re handing over the keys to the kingdom to a bunch of guys who probably don't even know how to change a tire.
I remember when the news was just the news. Now it’s all 'tech disruption' and 'disrupting the industry.' Well, they’ve disrupted my peace of mind, that’s for sure. They talk about 'OpenAI' like it’s some kind of gift to humanity, but it looks more like a high-speed train wreck to me. If you’re going to work with the military, you better have your ducks in a row. You don't 'rush' it. You don't make 'sloppy' mistakes. You do it right, or you don't do it at all. But I guess that’s too much to ask from a generation that thinks a 'cloud' is where you store your pictures and not something that brings rain.
Conclusion
So here we are. The robots are taking over, the kids are on their phones, and the guys in charge are 'rushing' deals with the military like they're ordering a late-night pizza. I’m going to go sit on my porch and watch the grass grow. At least the grass knows its job and doesn't need to post a memo on the internet when it fails to do it. God help us all if these people are our only hope for the future. I think I'll stick to my crossword puzzles and my rotary phone. They don't 'hallucinate' or make 'sloppy' deals with the Pentagon. They just work.