All Articles

Apple's New 'Air' Phone: Because Your Pockets Weren't Already Full Enough of Overpriced Bullshit

This scathing article eviscerates Apple's latest product launch, including the new iPhone 17 and the 'first-ever iPhone Air.' The author ridicules the perceived lack of genuine innovation, the repetitive nature of product updates, and the consumer culture surrounding the tech giant, urging readers to question the value of these expensive 'upgrades.'

Wen Apple Intelligence DAO? My Friends Stopped Calling.

This article boldly proposes a radical, decentralized alternative to Apple's new AI model, advocating for a community-owned Apple Intelligence DAO (AID) powered by tokenomics and user contributions.

Microsoft's 'New' Light Show: Another Brick in the Wall of Over-Complication

An aging engineer rants about Microsoft's 'new' light-based computer, finding it to be an unnecessary complication and another step towards technological overreach, all while pining for the simplicity of command-line computing.

When FSR 4 Drops and You Still Can't Afford a 4090: A Millennial's Guide to Coping

A droll and sarcastic take on the endless cycle of tech upgrades, particularly graphics card drivers, from the perspective of a Gen Z millennial working in the tech industry, bemoaning the cost and constant pressure to keep up.

DoorDash's 'Pain and Suffering': A Billionaire's Lament, My Ass

A droll take on a tech CEO's lament about the 'pain and suffering' of developing autonomous delivery, highlighting the stark contrast between corporate challenges and the realities of gig-worker life.

The Goddamn iPhone 17 and Your "ProMotion" Pipe Dream

This article eviscerates the perpetual tech upgrade cycle, specifically targeting the consumer obsession with features like ProMotion displays. It questions the true necessity of these advancements, likening the constant desire for new technology to a futile chase, and urges readers to focus on real-world experiences rather than digital enhancements.

IFA's 'Coolest Gadgets': More Like 'Warm Piles of Horseshit'

This scathing article eviscerates the hype and ridiculousness of 'cutting-edge' gadgets showcased at tech events, lambasting the so-called innovations as nothing more than polished turds designed to separate fools from their money. It's a foul-mouthed critique of the tech industry's obsession with superficial progress.

Pixel 10 Pro: A Centralized Relic in a Decentralized World!

This article critiques the Google Pixel 10 Pro, arguing it's a missed opportunity for decentralized hardware. The author, a disillusioned Web3 acolyte, proposes tokenizing phone features, creating a device governed by its users, and earning crypto rewards for phone usage.

Mars's Core: Solid, But Is It Emotionally Available?

A droll take on the 'groundbreaking' discovery of Mars's solid core, questioning the priorities of space exploration while navigating the absurdities of tech culture and the existential dread of modern life.

Sainthood in the Age of Selfies: What in God's Name is Happening?

An old-school engineer rants about the Catholic Church's new millennial saint, decrying the reliance on 'fancy phones' and the bewildering concept of 'influencers,' while accidentally making profound observations about the digital age.